Greg was worried, like always he'd forgotten his pencil, pen, and notebook back in the dorm room. "Damn," he swore under his breath and he reached his 8 o'clock class. The fog had barely yet to dissipate and there was slight mildewy stench that clung to his clothes because he'd apparently left them in the washer a bit too long. The professor passed around a sheet for attendance and just as he was about to sign it, the young man that sat beside him took the paper, signed his name, and passed it on without a second look or thought toward Greg. Was he invisible?
Writing down an important date on his hand with a barely functioning pen he'd managed to scrounge up from the floor, he left the classroom slightly peeved that the day had already started off horribly. Exiting out of class, he made his way up the steps to fall flat on his face walking up the stairs to exit the building. "Who puts stairs to exit a building anyway?" Obviously the class was in the basement of the old edifice and he was simply climbing back up from the netherworld. Outside, the weather hadn't changed much. Not fifty feet in front of him was a very darkly clad man handing out signs that talked about animal equality. As each person passed by, the man would say, "Save the animals," in a voice not too different from Greg's uncle Ronnie who had been thrown in jail three years before for child pornography. As he passed the man, expecting to receive a brochure about how ten dollars a month could save the abused labrador on the front panel from animal testing, the man looked past Greg and handed a flier to another person. Greg even stopped and the man attacked other people with his moral cause. But he ignored Greg. Seriously, he would have paid the ten dollars just to get a brochure, wasn't someone going to acknowledge him?
Back in his dorm room, he moved stuff about, shuffled papers, and checked his e-mail with no luck and no new messages. It was as if the world had forgotten about him. Just when he truly felt lost, a program about ghosts came on the television. He watched in complete fascination as the abnormally fat woman with upper lip hair spoke about ghosts and how they didn't even know they were even ghosts. Perhaps Greg was a ghost? No one seemed to acknowledge him. He was invisible to everyone around there and no one helped him up when he had been on the stairs.
So, deciding that he had died somehow, he walked out onto campus, and decided to test his theory. The busiest intersection was at Mitts and Vine where buses, semis, and crazed soccer mom's drove at radical speeds to get home. Standing up next to the curb, he waved at people and they whizzed on by without a second glance. It was true, he was a ghost. He was dead and nothing could hurt him anymore.
Eyeing a particularly large semi about a half a mile away, he swallowed down his ghostly spit and waited for traffic to clear. Once it had, he closed his eyes and stepped in front of the semi.
The next day, the newspapers would rave about a toxic chemical spill that polluted most drinking water for the city within a one mile radius of the semi truck that had lost control, flipped, and ran into a cement pole. There was no mention of any deaths.
Some weeks later, one particularly annoyed professor went searching for the student who had been assigned a project that was due two weeks ago. There was no response from the e-mail or telephone and this particular professor was not one to take it lightly if someone didn't come to class. So, knocking hard on the door of 317, he waited and waited. Finally, becoming fed up, he tromped over the RAs door and knocked, demanding to know where Gregory Hines was. The RA laughed and said that he didn't know, Greg had disappeared a few weeks ago. The professor sighed and left, defeated. If only he could have found Greg, then the class would have really seen him.
The moral of the story is, don't step in front of semis.
10.9.09
30.7.09
Subtle, but a joyful forever
Dear Friend,
I'm so grateful for you, my friend. So thankful to a merciful God that has granted one quiet prayer on one quiet evening. I couldn't have dreamed you up any better. We've passed the time, smiling, laughing, with rhetoric, hugs, and sleep. I love it all. I love you my friend and I can't seem to say or truly express how important you are in my life. One of the newest and seeming to share the most with me, you hold a special place, my friend. You know my past, my present, and I know your tomorrow because though God is unpredictable, Forever can't be stopped even by death.
Though you live far away, you forever live in a heart that is nestled in this humble body. Comfortably tucked into a warm and loving place between music, writing, and my faith in Christ.
It is you, my friend, that have given me a renewed sense that when tomorrow comes, though quiet a still, it leads to a joyful forever.
Thank you, for being the loving friend that I've needed.
The person that longs to hug back.
The one who shares everything on their heart. (though painful)
The back that has always got mine.
The shoulder, hand, smile, and joke that just wait to happen.
Dear friend--
I sincerely love you.
And I know that I needn't worry.
For you love me too.
And that's a subtle forever that I can live with. (now--and in Heaven).
-With Love,
Me
I'm so grateful for you, my friend. So thankful to a merciful God that has granted one quiet prayer on one quiet evening. I couldn't have dreamed you up any better. We've passed the time, smiling, laughing, with rhetoric, hugs, and sleep. I love it all. I love you my friend and I can't seem to say or truly express how important you are in my life. One of the newest and seeming to share the most with me, you hold a special place, my friend. You know my past, my present, and I know your tomorrow because though God is unpredictable, Forever can't be stopped even by death.
Though you live far away, you forever live in a heart that is nestled in this humble body. Comfortably tucked into a warm and loving place between music, writing, and my faith in Christ.
It is you, my friend, that have given me a renewed sense that when tomorrow comes, though quiet a still, it leads to a joyful forever.
Thank you, for being the loving friend that I've needed.
The person that longs to hug back.
The one who shares everything on their heart. (though painful)
The back that has always got mine.
The shoulder, hand, smile, and joke that just wait to happen.
Dear friend--
I sincerely love you.
And I know that I needn't worry.
For you love me too.
And that's a subtle forever that I can live with. (now--and in Heaven).
-With Love,
Me
29.6.09
I'd appreciate
I'd appreciate some silence.
I can't wait to get home.
It's loud in Spain, whether in the house with TV noise and yelling or outside with car noise and more yelling.
I miss the country.
I can't wait to get home.
To go out with some intelligence.
To see see some old friends--
To see some new friends.
To not have to listen to anything other than birds and dogs and the wind...
I can't wait.
Maybe if I were deaf...
At least for another 24 hours.
And there it is again, more yelling.
Can't wait to get home.
In silence.
I can't wait to get home.
It's loud in Spain, whether in the house with TV noise and yelling or outside with car noise and more yelling.
I miss the country.
I can't wait to get home.
To go out with some intelligence.
To see see some old friends--
To see some new friends.
To not have to listen to anything other than birds and dogs and the wind...
I can't wait.
Maybe if I were deaf...
At least for another 24 hours.
And there it is again, more yelling.
Can't wait to get home.
In silence.
26.6.09
25.6.09
Regresar
The word regresar in Spanish means to return. You wouldn’t believe how ready I am to come home. I am very ready to come home…I love Spain. It has been the best culturally evolving experience that I’ve ever experienced and I’ll never forget it. However, I’m tired of being here. Not to sound like I’m an arrogant person, but I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss working (weird isn’t that?) I’m excited to go home because my friends will be waiting for me when I get back to my house. At 2am nonetheless…but those are the kind of friends that I’ve come to have over the past 20 years. We’re craaaazzzzzyyy. We’re stuuuuuuppppiiiddd. We’re friends until the end and that what I need in my life. I’m so glad that God has blessed me with people like that in my life. The great thing is that I’ve got even newer people coming in. You know, God never ceases to amaze me.
To recap on my Spain trip, since I haven’t updated since I got here, one month ago…I started the trip off with two great roommates named Matt and Will. They’ve been great guys to hang out with. I’ve met some amazing people, danced some crazy dances, drunk some crazy drinks, and talked a lot to my friends back home. I’ve gone to some great bars, the best one being Oso Blanco which means Polar Bear. They have some of the best tapas which are snacks they serve with your drink. I traveled to Germany to see an old friend named Pauli who was an old foreign exchange student at my old high school. I found out that beer in Germany is not better than beer in Spain. My Spanish comprehension has increased so dramatically that I don’t even think I was able to speak or comprehend Spanish before I came. I feel so much more confident in my skills with Spanish (Praise to God). I’ve seen how an entirely different culture lives and I love how they differ from the states. I’ve eaten some pretty weird food including paella which is a dish of rice and then a bunch of seafood mixed…it’s more complicated than that, but you can Google it if you’re that curious.
While I’ve been doing this, I’ve kept pretty good tabs with my friends back in the states. I talked to my buddy Stefon nearly everyday for two weeks, giving him advice concerning his girlfriend. I’ve handed out spiritual advice to many of my friends and gotten quite a bit myself from my great friends back home as well. I missed my cousin Cody’s wedding which was at my grandma’s house, but I’m excited to go back and see their wedding pictures. Chris, Evan, and Sean have been doing nothing but the usual which is nothing too productive or good, but I love those guys so much. They’re my best friends and no matter what their beliefs, actions, or whatever else—I’ll always be their friends. I’ve listened to drunken/naughty stories from my bestie Rachael and why you should or shouldn’t do this while doing something else. I became addicted to the True Blood HBO series and now plan on returning and buying it on DVD so that my parents can have the same addiction that I do.
I’ve prayed a lot here and not always given my problems to God…but it’s something that I learn from, mistake wise. I know that if I just trust that He’ll take care of my problems, then all will be well. I’ve gotten a lot of prayer from Justin Cornell and David Rodriguez and I’m so grateful because I know that their prayer has made my trip so much better. At the same time, I took the advice that my friend from BSU told me and talked to her boyfriend, now ex, and found another best friend who shares opinions similar to mine, a thirst to please God, and an intelligence that makes for only the best of conversations. Benny-Boy Gooding has been just like Sean, Evan, or Chris but with the love of Jesus Christ that they’re missing. I’m so blessed and thankful to have another Brother in Christ and a new best friend. I’m looking forward to going back and hanging out with Ben when I get back as well.
I miss eating food that doing have to do with pigs. Firstly, I’d like to say that I dislike eating pig in the first place because it’s a dirty animal. Next, I’d like to say that if Spanish people aren’t eating pork then they’re eating fish, which I also dislike fervently. But I guess I’ve just got to get over that fact…and I have, you know? I’ve grown up a lot here. I’ve made flight plans by myself, booked hostels, and decided what was best for me over a long period of time.
I miss my grandma and REAL food. But enough of that when I get back.
I’m so blessed with all my friends, family, and the fact that I’ve got a job in economically bad times.
Can’t wait regresar.
29.5.09
Leaving
So I'm leaving for Spain right now. Actually, I'm sitting in the Indianapolis airport waiting. Should I be in this airport? Not a chance.
What happened?
Well it's a funny story.
Apparently, I can't read e-mail correctly and thought that we were leaving on Saturday, May 30th.
We're leaving on Friday, May 29th.
When did I find out?
About two hours before I had to be at the airport in Cincinnati, and you would know that that airport is 3 hours away.
Cool!
Not.
So we spent a lot of money for a one-way ticket to Newark, NJ so that I can meet up with my Spanish group there.
And now my flight has been delayed for over 3 hours?
Awesome.
But God is faithful.
As am I.
Therefore, I'm not worrying.
I just think it's funny.
Te voy en España.
What happened?
Well it's a funny story.
Apparently, I can't read e-mail correctly and thought that we were leaving on Saturday, May 30th.
We're leaving on Friday, May 29th.
When did I find out?
About two hours before I had to be at the airport in Cincinnati, and you would know that that airport is 3 hours away.
Cool!
Not.
So we spent a lot of money for a one-way ticket to Newark, NJ so that I can meet up with my Spanish group there.
And now my flight has been delayed for over 3 hours?
Awesome.
But God is faithful.
As am I.
Therefore, I'm not worrying.
I just think it's funny.
Te voy en España.
19.4.09
Lust and Sexual Immorality
Not to turn this into a Bible Thumpin' Blog.
But I just had a big Bible Study with my friends and spent three days writing this devotional.
Lust and Sexual Immorality
What is it?
Sexual Immorality is: According to the Bible sex between male and female, outside of marriage is immoral. The same applies to sex between the same gender. A person who is married and has an affair with another person is considered to have committed adultery. Sex between a man and a woman outside of marriage is fornication.
What is immoral: deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong
So what’s the big deal?
We’re human
We’ve got emotions, hormones, one heck of a sex drive.
We’re guys too…
Excuses? Not so much.
2 Timothy 2:22 says, Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
FLEE THE EVIL DESIRES OF YOUTH?
AND STOP MY FACEBOOKING?
(Yeah right!)
Well, actually it isn’t as hard you might think. When you’re feeling tempted, by the Internet, turn the computer off. You see, when you distance yourself away from those things, those temptations that take you away from God and his love, you’re doing yourself a mega-favor. Besides saving yourself a lot of confessing later, you’re telling the Devil that you’re stronger than he is. You’re also building up a barrier to help you when you feel tempted again later.
God tests us.
He likes to do that…
Sometimes—it feels like a little too much though. When you’re tested you say internally, “I can’t handle this situation, God,” and by translation you’re saying that God is wrong. (That’s not a good idea). You see, God has a plan for everything. The trials and tribulations that you face are to make you stronger.
Paul sent a great letter to Corinth telling them how to live good and God-centered lives. Corinth, you might note, was a big sex capital back in the day. We’re talking big time prostitution, idolatry, and SEX SEX SEX EVERYWHERE! In fact, “Corinthian girl” was just another word for a prostitute—and “To play the Corinthian,” meant to visit a house of prostitution…So Paul had some big time adversity to face—especially when it came to sex.
Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Well—sounds like there is some safety in the midst of lust then. I mean, God doesn’t just leave us stranded, right? (NO). You see, God wants us to live pure lives. Purity—by today’s standards are quite jaded compared to Biblical times, but we as Christians should keep them the same.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5&7 says, It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God…For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but GOD, who gives you His Holy Spirit.
So this means what?
That every time I check out the latest porn updates I’m sinning?
Like, duh.
What about sex? I mean, sex isn’t necessarily lusting if you’re in love, right?
But let’s look at someone famous who gave into sex—and paid for it with his life.
Samson—ultra-stud with ultra-strength hooked up with the illustrious prostitute, Delilah. He ‘fell-in-lust’ with her, gave her a few rounds in the sack, and spilled his guts to her. So—what happened? She cut off his hair, his eyes were gouged out, and he ended up dying with one last feat of strength, bringing down this huge temple and killing mostly everyone else there too.
But like, my life isn’t that bad, and my girlfriend and I are in love.
Good for you.
Sex can wait, sir. Consider sex like a gift at Christmas. About the time you start lusting, thinking about sex, whatever you do, is about early December when your parents stuffed the tree full of these beautifully wrapped presents. Everyday you see these presents and you think that opening just one of them will be okay before Christmas…So you open up one of your gifts and it’s this video game that you’ve been wanting for SOOOOO long. But your parents find out, and though the gift was destined for you, they are disappointed that you couldn’t control yourself.
Now relate THAT to sex.
Sex is gift between people who are MARRIED. Even if you’re with the one person who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, doesn’t mean that you have the right to have sex before you get married. What’s so great about sex anyway?
It’s fun, exciting, new, I’m super close with my girlfriend…
Well I’m glad for you—but there are better ways of being close to someone. If you need to get off that bad, then you really need to talk to God. PRAY! PRAY HARD! Pray for the strength to overcome the temptation to have sex. In fact, when you get into a relationship—set down rules. “Okay, ______ can we both agree that sex may be good, but we will both wait?” If she says no, then you need to revaluate your relationship. Just like a girl is worth waiting for, so are YOU.
I once was seeing a girl who had been sexually active in the past, but I let her know right away that I wasn’t dating her to have sex with her. Needless to say, we never ‘went’ anywhere. Which is okay with me, she’s got a relationship with someone else and I hope that he makes her happy. But I’ve chosen not to have sex and I’m almost 20 years old. There are better ways to spend my time. Besides, God WILL NOT make a blessing out of your sex life.
I have a good friend who has been dating a girl for about three years now and they’re sexually active. As a Christian, he’s had very high highs and very low low’s. Most recently, I think he started to realize the faults of his ways and he straightened their relationship out by putting God between them. He even admitted to me one night that their sex wasn’t doing anything for the relationship. It made it complicated, overly emotional, and took it away from the care that they once had to a habit they had to consummate after every date.
Well…my girlfriend and I already have sex…
Yeah, so what?
So, how can I let her know that we shouldn’t have sex anymore?
That’s easy. COMMUNICATE. You see, we are all Children of God. We are HIS children through Christ, our Savior. So if you guys are having sex, then you’re not only causing yourself to sin, but you’re causing her to sin as well. Even if she’s the instigator in the sex, sex—most times—is pretty mutual. If you’re having a problem saying no, then you really need to reevaluate your relationship. God doesn’t want us to sin, and he will continue forgiving us, but when you make a conscious effort to intentionally sin, you’re hurting not only yourself, but God.
And don’t think sex is just what you see on the movies. Sex can be anything that leads to an orgasm or causes you to sin. There aren’t any loopholes for sex. God is very clear that he wants us to wait to have sex. So whether you’ve got a girlfriend or you’re single—anything that leads to an orgasm (outside of marriage) is a sin, essentially. Because you’re either having sex or you’re fantasizing and we’ve already covered sexual fantasies.
So if you’ve been having sex and you want to stop—communicate. If she tells you that she wants to continue your sexual relationship, then you need to let her know that it isn’t pleasing to God. If she still persists, then she’s probably not the girl for you. (despite what you might think in the moment). Don’t surrender just because she has your classring or your heart—persist and be strong. God will back you up.
The biggest fault of most people’s relationship is that they don’t communicate what they need. If you feel truly convicted, then God will back you up 100%. He won’t leave you hanging.
Jesus said this in John 14:12-14, I tell you the truth; anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
IN JESUS’ NAME, MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE!
Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.
You see there has to be the attitude that we are unworthy of receiving God’s love. The only reason why He even considers giving us what we ask for us because JESUS died for US on the cross. It’s because of His Son that we might live on Earth and in Heaven. So when we realize that we’re unworthy of the gifts that God has for us, but because of Christ, we’re able to receive them, then God grants these things.
So like, if I ask for a new Mustang because my old one is like 4 years old and I acknowledge that Jesus died for me, I’ll get one?
Again, not really. Why do you NEED a new Mustang? You WANT one. Perhaps you NEED a car. Well, God will provide you with what you need if you just ask, even if that is just a ride to get where you need to get going.
But we’re not talking about cars here, are we? No, we’re talking about lust, sex, and other things that we’re tempted with. So when we’re tempted, we need to admit that—firstly, we’re being tempted. Acknowledge aloud, “Okay, I’m being tempted, I need strength to overcome this.”
And that’s it?
No, there’s more.
After you’ve admitted that you’re being tempted, you have to pray for strength. Pray for way out of the situation and then do like 2 Timothy says and FLEE. Get away from that particular section of Barnes and Nobles. Log off the computer, don’t even bother saying goodbye to your friends. The longer you’re in the face of temptation, the harder it’s going to get (no pun intended). Just put some space between you and that problem. Then, call up a Christian friend. If it’s late, open up your Bible and read some scripture. There’s nothing better than reminding yourself of WHO you are.
You were bought with the blood of Christ.
That’s a pretty hefty price.
Like…waaaay more than a house. (For sure)
So, remind yourself that you’re a Christian—that giving into temptation is wrong and then celebrate that you TRIUMPHED over it. Sure, you might feel like you’re doing yourself an injustice for about ten minutes…But seriously, what’s better? Ten minutes of mediocrity and fake boobs, or an eternity spent in Heaven?
Finally—there’s one more thing that you should protect.
I know—I know—wrap it before you tap it…
Seriously? Before all of that—your mind.
Like helmets, right!?
Something like that—but more in a spiritual sense.
The Bible talks about the Armor of God. That armor is spiritual in a since, you’re not really equipping yourself with a physical helmet, but more of a spiritual and mental one.
Equip yourself with the Helmet of Salvation and guard your thoughts. The Bible talks a lot about your thoughts—stating it bluntly and very straightforwardly, Above everything guard your mind, Because from it flows your life, Proverbs 4:23.
Think of your mind like a river—flowing into your body. If a nuclear power plant is built upstream from a bunch of farmers, those farmers are going to be suffering horribly from disease, infection, mutation, and death. That’s because that nuclear power plant is putting off nasty chemicals and toxic waste into the river. Same idea goes for your mind, so you’ve got to keep it clean or else it will cause your body to sin… For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord—Roman 6:23.
Well—I’m a really strong willed guy. I can control my thoughts!
Right—have you ever sinned? If you have, then you’re not strong enough. That’s why you can’t go about this alone. As a Christian man, you’re able to put on the Armor of God and that Helmet of Salvation.
But what does that mean exactly?
It means that you fill your mind with Bible verses, pure thoughts, and Godly things.
Phillipians 4:8 gives us a good example, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Things that God would want you to think about. That means—no negativity, no hate, no lust, no sexual fantasies
Tall order—isn’t it? (with God, nothing is too tall of an order).
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess. Hebrews 3:1.
You see how it mentions brothers? That means you’re not alone. Each day, we as men face the constant battle of lusting after women in our minds. It’s almost impossible to miss since on every commercial there is a naked woman prancing around in a bra. The billboards that are propped up every five feet along the interstate suggest that you should visit the sexy woman at the “Lion’s Den XXX Playhouse.” So it’s really hard to control our thoughts. Again, that’s why you’ve got each other. God’s gift to us, besides His wonderful Son and Salvation is each other. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another” That means that we’re supposed to keep each other accountable—keep each other on track…You can’t expect your secular friends to keep you accountable when they don’t realize that the lust they have for that Victoria’s Secret model is wrong. But your Christian brothers do.
Well my Christian friends are really far away.
So are mine.
So, like, what do I do about that?
This is the twenty-first century, right? That means you’ve got text messaging, IM, Facebook Chat, or many other means of communication that you can talk to your Christian brothers with. And God has a funny way of putting Christians in your life when you need them. So just ask God—and ye shall receive.
Well I don’t fantasize about every girl I see along the street.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28
Oh…
Yeah, Oh…
Not only do we have to train our minds to think positively and purely…but we also have to train our eyes and our bodies. Unfortunately, it’s not something that you can do it in a day. But the point is that you start trying. If you’ve got a lustful thought, throw up a prayer to the big G.O.D. and ask Him to fill your mind with something Holy. Ask him to provide a way out of that particular situation and then WRENTCH your eyes away from that girl. Eventually you’ll learn to look upon women without thinking lustful thoughts—but only with the help of Christ.
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess (Hebrews 3:1).
If you do this—your life is going to be so much better. Constantly ask yourself, whether you’re doing something you might think is wrong, know is wrong, or anything that is a ‘gray’ area. Ask yourself, ‘Would Jesus do this?’ It’s that simple little expression that can save you so much regret later, my Brother.
If you stumble, though, don’t beat yourself up for it. God forgives us. That’s the reason why Christ died on the cross. So that we would be forgiven.
So if I accidently let it slip and then oops—I ask for forgiveness?
Accidentally? You can’t accidently type into your URL browser your favorite porno site.
You should still ask for forgiveness, but on top of that—you should probably ask God for some more self-control, some productive ways to keep your mind off of whatever it’s wondering over, or perhaps a friend to keep you accountable.
We’re all going to make mistakes, and that shouldn’t hinder you from pursuing God. Every great runner slips sometimes—James 3:2 says, We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check…That’s why we have each other and Christ in us…to pick each other and ourselves back up…and keep on running the race.
But I just had a big Bible Study with my friends and spent three days writing this devotional.
Lust and Sexual Immorality
What is it?
Sexual Immorality is: According to the Bible sex between male and female, outside of marriage is immoral. The same applies to sex between the same gender. A person who is married and has an affair with another person is considered to have committed adultery. Sex between a man and a woman outside of marriage is fornication.
What is immoral: deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong
So what’s the big deal?
We’re human
We’ve got emotions, hormones, one heck of a sex drive.
We’re guys too…
Excuses? Not so much.
2 Timothy 2:22 says, Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
FLEE THE EVIL DESIRES OF YOUTH?
AND STOP MY FACEBOOKING?
(Yeah right!)
Well, actually it isn’t as hard you might think. When you’re feeling tempted, by the Internet, turn the computer off. You see, when you distance yourself away from those things, those temptations that take you away from God and his love, you’re doing yourself a mega-favor. Besides saving yourself a lot of confessing later, you’re telling the Devil that you’re stronger than he is. You’re also building up a barrier to help you when you feel tempted again later.
God tests us.
He likes to do that…
Sometimes—it feels like a little too much though. When you’re tested you say internally, “I can’t handle this situation, God,” and by translation you’re saying that God is wrong. (That’s not a good idea). You see, God has a plan for everything. The trials and tribulations that you face are to make you stronger.
Paul sent a great letter to Corinth telling them how to live good and God-centered lives. Corinth, you might note, was a big sex capital back in the day. We’re talking big time prostitution, idolatry, and SEX SEX SEX EVERYWHERE! In fact, “Corinthian girl” was just another word for a prostitute—and “To play the Corinthian,” meant to visit a house of prostitution…So Paul had some big time adversity to face—especially when it came to sex.
Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Well—sounds like there is some safety in the midst of lust then. I mean, God doesn’t just leave us stranded, right? (NO). You see, God wants us to live pure lives. Purity—by today’s standards are quite jaded compared to Biblical times, but we as Christians should keep them the same.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5&7 says, It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God…For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but GOD, who gives you His Holy Spirit.
So this means what?
That every time I check out the latest porn updates I’m sinning?
Like, duh.
What about sex? I mean, sex isn’t necessarily lusting if you’re in love, right?
But let’s look at someone famous who gave into sex—and paid for it with his life.
Samson—ultra-stud with ultra-strength hooked up with the illustrious prostitute, Delilah. He ‘fell-in-lust’ with her, gave her a few rounds in the sack, and spilled his guts to her. So—what happened? She cut off his hair, his eyes were gouged out, and he ended up dying with one last feat of strength, bringing down this huge temple and killing mostly everyone else there too.
But like, my life isn’t that bad, and my girlfriend and I are in love.
Good for you.
Sex can wait, sir. Consider sex like a gift at Christmas. About the time you start lusting, thinking about sex, whatever you do, is about early December when your parents stuffed the tree full of these beautifully wrapped presents. Everyday you see these presents and you think that opening just one of them will be okay before Christmas…So you open up one of your gifts and it’s this video game that you’ve been wanting for SOOOOO long. But your parents find out, and though the gift was destined for you, they are disappointed that you couldn’t control yourself.
Now relate THAT to sex.
Sex is gift between people who are MARRIED. Even if you’re with the one person who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, doesn’t mean that you have the right to have sex before you get married. What’s so great about sex anyway?
It’s fun, exciting, new, I’m super close with my girlfriend…
Well I’m glad for you—but there are better ways of being close to someone. If you need to get off that bad, then you really need to talk to God. PRAY! PRAY HARD! Pray for the strength to overcome the temptation to have sex. In fact, when you get into a relationship—set down rules. “Okay, ______ can we both agree that sex may be good, but we will both wait?” If she says no, then you need to revaluate your relationship. Just like a girl is worth waiting for, so are YOU.
I once was seeing a girl who had been sexually active in the past, but I let her know right away that I wasn’t dating her to have sex with her. Needless to say, we never ‘went’ anywhere. Which is okay with me, she’s got a relationship with someone else and I hope that he makes her happy. But I’ve chosen not to have sex and I’m almost 20 years old. There are better ways to spend my time. Besides, God WILL NOT make a blessing out of your sex life.
I have a good friend who has been dating a girl for about three years now and they’re sexually active. As a Christian, he’s had very high highs and very low low’s. Most recently, I think he started to realize the faults of his ways and he straightened their relationship out by putting God between them. He even admitted to me one night that their sex wasn’t doing anything for the relationship. It made it complicated, overly emotional, and took it away from the care that they once had to a habit they had to consummate after every date.
Well…my girlfriend and I already have sex…
Yeah, so what?
So, how can I let her know that we shouldn’t have sex anymore?
That’s easy. COMMUNICATE. You see, we are all Children of God. We are HIS children through Christ, our Savior. So if you guys are having sex, then you’re not only causing yourself to sin, but you’re causing her to sin as well. Even if she’s the instigator in the sex, sex—most times—is pretty mutual. If you’re having a problem saying no, then you really need to reevaluate your relationship. God doesn’t want us to sin, and he will continue forgiving us, but when you make a conscious effort to intentionally sin, you’re hurting not only yourself, but God.
And don’t think sex is just what you see on the movies. Sex can be anything that leads to an orgasm or causes you to sin. There aren’t any loopholes for sex. God is very clear that he wants us to wait to have sex. So whether you’ve got a girlfriend or you’re single—anything that leads to an orgasm (outside of marriage) is a sin, essentially. Because you’re either having sex or you’re fantasizing and we’ve already covered sexual fantasies.
So if you’ve been having sex and you want to stop—communicate. If she tells you that she wants to continue your sexual relationship, then you need to let her know that it isn’t pleasing to God. If she still persists, then she’s probably not the girl for you. (despite what you might think in the moment). Don’t surrender just because she has your classring or your heart—persist and be strong. God will back you up.
The biggest fault of most people’s relationship is that they don’t communicate what they need. If you feel truly convicted, then God will back you up 100%. He won’t leave you hanging.
Jesus said this in John 14:12-14, I tell you the truth; anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
IN JESUS’ NAME, MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE!
Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.
You see there has to be the attitude that we are unworthy of receiving God’s love. The only reason why He even considers giving us what we ask for us because JESUS died for US on the cross. It’s because of His Son that we might live on Earth and in Heaven. So when we realize that we’re unworthy of the gifts that God has for us, but because of Christ, we’re able to receive them, then God grants these things.
So like, if I ask for a new Mustang because my old one is like 4 years old and I acknowledge that Jesus died for me, I’ll get one?
Again, not really. Why do you NEED a new Mustang? You WANT one. Perhaps you NEED a car. Well, God will provide you with what you need if you just ask, even if that is just a ride to get where you need to get going.
But we’re not talking about cars here, are we? No, we’re talking about lust, sex, and other things that we’re tempted with. So when we’re tempted, we need to admit that—firstly, we’re being tempted. Acknowledge aloud, “Okay, I’m being tempted, I need strength to overcome this.”
And that’s it?
No, there’s more.
After you’ve admitted that you’re being tempted, you have to pray for strength. Pray for way out of the situation and then do like 2 Timothy says and FLEE. Get away from that particular section of Barnes and Nobles. Log off the computer, don’t even bother saying goodbye to your friends. The longer you’re in the face of temptation, the harder it’s going to get (no pun intended). Just put some space between you and that problem. Then, call up a Christian friend. If it’s late, open up your Bible and read some scripture. There’s nothing better than reminding yourself of WHO you are.
You were bought with the blood of Christ.
That’s a pretty hefty price.
Like…waaaay more than a house. (For sure)
So, remind yourself that you’re a Christian—that giving into temptation is wrong and then celebrate that you TRIUMPHED over it. Sure, you might feel like you’re doing yourself an injustice for about ten minutes…But seriously, what’s better? Ten minutes of mediocrity and fake boobs, or an eternity spent in Heaven?
Finally—there’s one more thing that you should protect.
I know—I know—wrap it before you tap it…
Seriously? Before all of that—your mind.
Like helmets, right!?
Something like that—but more in a spiritual sense.
The Bible talks about the Armor of God. That armor is spiritual in a since, you’re not really equipping yourself with a physical helmet, but more of a spiritual and mental one.
Equip yourself with the Helmet of Salvation and guard your thoughts. The Bible talks a lot about your thoughts—stating it bluntly and very straightforwardly, Above everything guard your mind, Because from it flows your life, Proverbs 4:23.
Think of your mind like a river—flowing into your body. If a nuclear power plant is built upstream from a bunch of farmers, those farmers are going to be suffering horribly from disease, infection, mutation, and death. That’s because that nuclear power plant is putting off nasty chemicals and toxic waste into the river. Same idea goes for your mind, so you’ve got to keep it clean or else it will cause your body to sin… For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord—Roman 6:23.
Well—I’m a really strong willed guy. I can control my thoughts!
Right—have you ever sinned? If you have, then you’re not strong enough. That’s why you can’t go about this alone. As a Christian man, you’re able to put on the Armor of God and that Helmet of Salvation.
But what does that mean exactly?
It means that you fill your mind with Bible verses, pure thoughts, and Godly things.
Phillipians 4:8 gives us a good example, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Things that God would want you to think about. That means—no negativity, no hate, no lust, no sexual fantasies
Tall order—isn’t it? (with God, nothing is too tall of an order).
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess. Hebrews 3:1.
You see how it mentions brothers? That means you’re not alone. Each day, we as men face the constant battle of lusting after women in our minds. It’s almost impossible to miss since on every commercial there is a naked woman prancing around in a bra. The billboards that are propped up every five feet along the interstate suggest that you should visit the sexy woman at the “Lion’s Den XXX Playhouse.” So it’s really hard to control our thoughts. Again, that’s why you’ve got each other. God’s gift to us, besides His wonderful Son and Salvation is each other. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another” That means that we’re supposed to keep each other accountable—keep each other on track…You can’t expect your secular friends to keep you accountable when they don’t realize that the lust they have for that Victoria’s Secret model is wrong. But your Christian brothers do.
Well my Christian friends are really far away.
So are mine.
So, like, what do I do about that?
This is the twenty-first century, right? That means you’ve got text messaging, IM, Facebook Chat, or many other means of communication that you can talk to your Christian brothers with. And God has a funny way of putting Christians in your life when you need them. So just ask God—and ye shall receive.
Well I don’t fantasize about every girl I see along the street.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28
Oh…
Yeah, Oh…
Not only do we have to train our minds to think positively and purely…but we also have to train our eyes and our bodies. Unfortunately, it’s not something that you can do it in a day. But the point is that you start trying. If you’ve got a lustful thought, throw up a prayer to the big G.O.D. and ask Him to fill your mind with something Holy. Ask him to provide a way out of that particular situation and then WRENTCH your eyes away from that girl. Eventually you’ll learn to look upon women without thinking lustful thoughts—but only with the help of Christ.
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess (Hebrews 3:1).
If you do this—your life is going to be so much better. Constantly ask yourself, whether you’re doing something you might think is wrong, know is wrong, or anything that is a ‘gray’ area. Ask yourself, ‘Would Jesus do this?’ It’s that simple little expression that can save you so much regret later, my Brother.
If you stumble, though, don’t beat yourself up for it. God forgives us. That’s the reason why Christ died on the cross. So that we would be forgiven.
So if I accidently let it slip and then oops—I ask for forgiveness?
Accidentally? You can’t accidently type into your URL browser your favorite porno site.
You should still ask for forgiveness, but on top of that—you should probably ask God for some more self-control, some productive ways to keep your mind off of whatever it’s wondering over, or perhaps a friend to keep you accountable.
We’re all going to make mistakes, and that shouldn’t hinder you from pursuing God. Every great runner slips sometimes—James 3:2 says, We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check…That’s why we have each other and Christ in us…to pick each other and ourselves back up…and keep on running the race.
6.4.09
A lesson or two
I always say how I think God is a funny deity. He has a funny way of showing us the lessons that we need to learn, even when we don't want to learn them or think that we have already learned them. God shows us what we don't know or perhaps helps us reevaluate whom we are where we are standing on the subject.
So Saturday I went to Bible Study with Rina Zahidi, the Queen of Hall Council. At "Pancakes and Prayer" we read a passage from Psalms and then prayed over certain parts that we found particularly meaningful to our lives. Before this, however, we went around and spoke of were we had been seeing God lately and where we needed help. So I mentioned that I needed patience with people and especially with God. Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting through to people with God and I need the patience that he can bestow and bless to know that HIS work be done on HIS time. So anyway, I'll skip to the story now.
I went to IU this weekend to see Mary, Patty, and anyone else I knew at IU. On the way home, it was raining. It wasn't just raining, it was pouring. So I'm driving up 37 in the rain, thinking that I'm the luckiest person ever to have to drive home in 50-degree rain. Well as I'm on 37, I come upon a wreck and I'm kind of in a hurry, so I see this little road that leads off to the east. I figured that it would lead to another road that I could detour the wreck with and then jump back onto 37. So as I'm driving up the road, it's raining on these semi-mountainous roads and though it's pretty, I'm not seeing any roads. I drive for over 15 minutes before I realize that there isn't a road to take and so I'm forced to turn around. As I'm driving back, I'm struck with the realization that this is a lesson. It's a lesson because I'm impatient. If I would have been patient, I realize as I get back to 37, entirely drenched, I would have seen that the cars were still moving and not at a stand-still like I thought they were earlier. 37 represents Christianity and the road that leads to Heaven--ultimately. Sometimes, on our path, things slow down. Things are not always the greatest, but perhaps that's an ordeal that God is putting you through to strengthen you or to give you experience that you'll need in the future. The road that I took off into Nowheresville, represented the paths that we take as shortcuts away from Christianity. When the going gets tough--people fall off the path of Christianity because things have stopped, things are too hard, because things will be quicker on this other road. Unfortunately, we don't know what obstacles are waiting for us on the other road and so after awhile, when we realize that we're not getting anywhere, we have to turn around. That means facing the same demons, dangerous turns and curves, just as you have once already. However, once you turn back onto the road of Christianity, you see that the traffic is actually moving and that in a few minutes, it will pick up.
As I was driving back to the highway, my fuel light came on. I thought to myself, "Oh Great, God really loves me!" So I was saying a prayer the entire way back to the highway that I'd make it to Martinsville and to a gas station. About fifteen or twenty minutes later, I pulled up to a gas station, entirely drenched in my leather coat and pants--I was freezing and my hands were going numb already...I walked into the gas station and the lady immediately gave me a brand new white towel and said to keep it and dry off. So I did that, gave her the money and said told me to keep safe and drive slowly. In the prayer that I said on the way to the gas station, I said to God that I didn't care how he helped, even if it was through other people--that I just get back to BSU...
That lady was totally a blessing from God, because she not only gave me that towel, her attitude and spirit toward me was just so kind and I think I needed that in the cold. As well, she partly inspired this blog. So, I finally made it back to Ball State and found a parking spot, by God's Grace (I think). I went up into my friend's room, physically exhausted and soaked to the bone, warmed up, ate some dinner, and chatted about God. It's kind funny to see how much we have in common. Needless to say, we share some very close opinions of God and Church. I didn't want to push my luck too much, but I figured that I'd made pretty good progress at talking about religion with him. Later, another friend of ours came in and we watched DJANGO!
God has a sense of humor. Never laughing at us--but definitely chuckling.
So Saturday I went to Bible Study with Rina Zahidi, the Queen of Hall Council. At "Pancakes and Prayer" we read a passage from Psalms and then prayed over certain parts that we found particularly meaningful to our lives. Before this, however, we went around and spoke of were we had been seeing God lately and where we needed help. So I mentioned that I needed patience with people and especially with God. Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting through to people with God and I need the patience that he can bestow and bless to know that HIS work be done on HIS time. So anyway, I'll skip to the story now.
I went to IU this weekend to see Mary, Patty, and anyone else I knew at IU. On the way home, it was raining. It wasn't just raining, it was pouring. So I'm driving up 37 in the rain, thinking that I'm the luckiest person ever to have to drive home in 50-degree rain. Well as I'm on 37, I come upon a wreck and I'm kind of in a hurry, so I see this little road that leads off to the east. I figured that it would lead to another road that I could detour the wreck with and then jump back onto 37. So as I'm driving up the road, it's raining on these semi-mountainous roads and though it's pretty, I'm not seeing any roads. I drive for over 15 minutes before I realize that there isn't a road to take and so I'm forced to turn around. As I'm driving back, I'm struck with the realization that this is a lesson. It's a lesson because I'm impatient. If I would have been patient, I realize as I get back to 37, entirely drenched, I would have seen that the cars were still moving and not at a stand-still like I thought they were earlier. 37 represents Christianity and the road that leads to Heaven--ultimately. Sometimes, on our path, things slow down. Things are not always the greatest, but perhaps that's an ordeal that God is putting you through to strengthen you or to give you experience that you'll need in the future. The road that I took off into Nowheresville, represented the paths that we take as shortcuts away from Christianity. When the going gets tough--people fall off the path of Christianity because things have stopped, things are too hard, because things will be quicker on this other road. Unfortunately, we don't know what obstacles are waiting for us on the other road and so after awhile, when we realize that we're not getting anywhere, we have to turn around. That means facing the same demons, dangerous turns and curves, just as you have once already. However, once you turn back onto the road of Christianity, you see that the traffic is actually moving and that in a few minutes, it will pick up.
As I was driving back to the highway, my fuel light came on. I thought to myself, "Oh Great, God really loves me!" So I was saying a prayer the entire way back to the highway that I'd make it to Martinsville and to a gas station. About fifteen or twenty minutes later, I pulled up to a gas station, entirely drenched in my leather coat and pants--I was freezing and my hands were going numb already...I walked into the gas station and the lady immediately gave me a brand new white towel and said to keep it and dry off. So I did that, gave her the money and said told me to keep safe and drive slowly. In the prayer that I said on the way to the gas station, I said to God that I didn't care how he helped, even if it was through other people--that I just get back to BSU...
That lady was totally a blessing from God, because she not only gave me that towel, her attitude and spirit toward me was just so kind and I think I needed that in the cold. As well, she partly inspired this blog. So, I finally made it back to Ball State and found a parking spot, by God's Grace (I think). I went up into my friend's room, physically exhausted and soaked to the bone, warmed up, ate some dinner, and chatted about God. It's kind funny to see how much we have in common. Needless to say, we share some very close opinions of God and Church. I didn't want to push my luck too much, but I figured that I'd made pretty good progress at talking about religion with him. Later, another friend of ours came in and we watched DJANGO!
God has a sense of humor. Never laughing at us--but definitely chuckling.
2.4.09
IU
I'm going to IU this weekend on the motorcycle to visit Patty, Mary, and other awesome friends.
Here's a picture.
Here's a picture.
1.4.09
Thank You (Inspiration)
Dear Friend,
I've wanted to say thank you for quite a while now. You're such an important person in my life and I hardly know you. It feels that it was just yesterday that we met and when I think upon it, I think it was yesterday that we met. But in the days that I've come to know you, I've realized that your existence in my life has already inspired me to be the best that I can be. Secondly, I've come to realize that I care for you as a brother/sister. You're ranked high in my friends and I'm sad to wonder about the day that you'll disappear from my life to grow up and leave Neverland. Thankfully, I believe we both have departed from that fairy-tale and we're on a voyage to the real world once again. In the coming years, I will take immense pleasure in wondering how you are doing, whether distanced far or near. I will hope and pray the best for you and the wonders that will become of you. As well, I can also be reassured that the plans we've set in stone can't be washed away by the drumming of the gentle tide of time.
Dear Friend, I do realize, that people change, and that is hard. It's hard because I have changed in the four years that have come and gone between another brother and me. I have changed and I know that he has as well. Our foolish dreams have been put aside and we've taken on the adult roles that all people must pick up at some point. I do wonder, however, if I have accepted a sealed fate or am I secretly wanting to erase and rewrite what has been marked down for years now?
Dear Friend, you are so special to me. Like all of my friends, you have become like family to me and I will never forsake the place that you hold in my heart. You have claimed a piece of me that is saved for you, just like all of my friends have. Each piece of my heart is dedicated to a special person in my life, and even after these short few seconds of knowing each other, you've claimed your eternal spot. Whether I die tomorrow or you perish in a year, won't matter, though I will weep as I hope you might do for me. I will weep because our future plans will have been foiled, but I won't forsake nor forget them, and in the years that come, I will consummate the plans, even if you're not with me. I will go the distance and see the things that we would have seen together. If I am to leave, I want you to do the same for me. I want you to experience the beauty of the countryside and see the things that we could have gazed upon forever. I will do these things, though physically you do not accompany, you forever hold a piece of my heart.
No matter where life takes us, Dear Friend, try to keep in contact with me. It's so disheartening to learn that I have a wrong address and no way to reach you. Dear Friend, please write/call/visit as I will try my hardest to do the same. Speak of me, though not often so as to not deride your life into an apathetic lethargy. No, instead, think of me on occasion and smile. Know that soon we will take a leave to make a trip that will last for a lifetime, though not forever. Use our plans for inspiration, as I am doing now and smile. Please smile, because your smile can brighten even the darkest day.
Dear Friend, you are so special to me and we haven't even known each other more than a few days. Yet, I feel compelled to say that I love you brother/sister. I love you the way only family can, unshakeable and steadfast. I'm proud to call you family because there is no shame that you can bring or will ever cause to me or to anyone else. You're a proud person, but even the proudest people are humbled and I admire your vehemence and will to survive/travel. I hope to accompany you with the classic rock tunes of Bob Seger and Fleetwood Mac for the years to come.
Over the years, we will age, but Dear Friend, our friendship shan't wane but grow until we are old and speak with fervor of the past and of a future that won't be dry because we won't stop until we drop. But the hour grows late and with it, I grow tired. If however, Dear Friend, you knock at anytime, I will open the door. If, at anytime, you feel the need to speak I will hearken and wait for you to speak.
With all of the love a Brother can give,
Nate
I've wanted to say thank you for quite a while now. You're such an important person in my life and I hardly know you. It feels that it was just yesterday that we met and when I think upon it, I think it was yesterday that we met. But in the days that I've come to know you, I've realized that your existence in my life has already inspired me to be the best that I can be. Secondly, I've come to realize that I care for you as a brother/sister. You're ranked high in my friends and I'm sad to wonder about the day that you'll disappear from my life to grow up and leave Neverland. Thankfully, I believe we both have departed from that fairy-tale and we're on a voyage to the real world once again. In the coming years, I will take immense pleasure in wondering how you are doing, whether distanced far or near. I will hope and pray the best for you and the wonders that will become of you. As well, I can also be reassured that the plans we've set in stone can't be washed away by the drumming of the gentle tide of time.
Dear Friend, I do realize, that people change, and that is hard. It's hard because I have changed in the four years that have come and gone between another brother and me. I have changed and I know that he has as well. Our foolish dreams have been put aside and we've taken on the adult roles that all people must pick up at some point. I do wonder, however, if I have accepted a sealed fate or am I secretly wanting to erase and rewrite what has been marked down for years now?
Dear Friend, you are so special to me. Like all of my friends, you have become like family to me and I will never forsake the place that you hold in my heart. You have claimed a piece of me that is saved for you, just like all of my friends have. Each piece of my heart is dedicated to a special person in my life, and even after these short few seconds of knowing each other, you've claimed your eternal spot. Whether I die tomorrow or you perish in a year, won't matter, though I will weep as I hope you might do for me. I will weep because our future plans will have been foiled, but I won't forsake nor forget them, and in the years that come, I will consummate the plans, even if you're not with me. I will go the distance and see the things that we would have seen together. If I am to leave, I want you to do the same for me. I want you to experience the beauty of the countryside and see the things that we could have gazed upon forever. I will do these things, though physically you do not accompany, you forever hold a piece of my heart.
No matter where life takes us, Dear Friend, try to keep in contact with me. It's so disheartening to learn that I have a wrong address and no way to reach you. Dear Friend, please write/call/visit as I will try my hardest to do the same. Speak of me, though not often so as to not deride your life into an apathetic lethargy. No, instead, think of me on occasion and smile. Know that soon we will take a leave to make a trip that will last for a lifetime, though not forever. Use our plans for inspiration, as I am doing now and smile. Please smile, because your smile can brighten even the darkest day.
Dear Friend, you are so special to me and we haven't even known each other more than a few days. Yet, I feel compelled to say that I love you brother/sister. I love you the way only family can, unshakeable and steadfast. I'm proud to call you family because there is no shame that you can bring or will ever cause to me or to anyone else. You're a proud person, but even the proudest people are humbled and I admire your vehemence and will to survive/travel. I hope to accompany you with the classic rock tunes of Bob Seger and Fleetwood Mac for the years to come.
Over the years, we will age, but Dear Friend, our friendship shan't wane but grow until we are old and speak with fervor of the past and of a future that won't be dry because we won't stop until we drop. But the hour grows late and with it, I grow tired. If however, Dear Friend, you knock at anytime, I will open the door. If, at anytime, you feel the need to speak I will hearken and wait for you to speak.
With all of the love a Brother can give,
Nate
29.3.09
I Love The Way
I love the way you kiss me. The way you're strong and humble, safe and mine. I love that when I close my eyes and hold onto your face, forever waits a moment and eternity listens a little harder. I love your blue eyes and how they search and see me kindly. I love your skin, how soft and clear and smooth it is. I'd love to spend a lifetime searching your skin, kissing each inch, breathing you in. I love the way you smile and I love the kindness in those oh so pearly whites. I love your hands and how they hold mine tight. I like the way you trace my jaw and know the thoughts inside my mind.
You see, I love everything about you, and I could go on. I could mention how when you sleep, you twitch just momentarily before drifting off into a peaceful land. I'd love to kiss your eyelids and wonder what your dreaming about tonight. I love the way your body curves, so fit and lean. The way you wiggle your toes, enlivens my very soul. I want to search your body, naked and touch you everywhere. I want you to promise me that no matter where we go, that you'll always kiss me the way you are right now. I love how your hair is soft and wild, untamed and brown, like a wild forest that I can run my hands upon and feel complete.
I'd love to hold you all through the night, breathing and never speaking a word. I want to meet you in a kiss in the dark from across the room and know exactly where you are just because you belong with me. Because we share that connection that people who are in love share. I don't care about your flaws, I don't care about your past. I love that you love your family. That health is something you take seriously. When you laugh, I feel that I could fall forever without fear of reaching the ground.
In this moment, I want you to know me the way that I want to know you. I want to see your secrets and caress your soul. I want you to never judge me for who I am or the choices that I make, instead, teach me how to be the most that I can be. I want to travel to faraway places and admire you from across the room one thousand miles away. When we stand underneath the stars, I want you to point to one and say that our next destination lies there, then laugh and kiss me hard. I want you to kiss me hard on the lips. I want to be aggressive and pull your hair and feel your body pressed against mine. I want you to feel a euphoria that doesn't seem to reside and with just a breath or a look, all new waves wash upon your beautiful physique and soul.
For you, I'd travel the entire world, as long as you promised to be there. I'd start fresh with you in a cabin faraway in a fairy kingdom so that I could live happily ever after with the one that I love. When I die, I want you to kiss me the way you've always kissed me. I want you to march arm-in-arm with me through the pearly gates to our Heavenly Father and smile together at Him. I want to take care of you when you're sick, to cover you when cold, to cheer you up in the hard times. If you cry, I want you to cry on my chest. I want to wipe your tears away, kiss your full lips, and stroke your hair until you fall asleep. I want to pray with you and keep you as my own for the rest of my existence and thereafter.
I love you.
Yesterday, Today, and Forever.
You see, I love everything about you, and I could go on. I could mention how when you sleep, you twitch just momentarily before drifting off into a peaceful land. I'd love to kiss your eyelids and wonder what your dreaming about tonight. I love the way your body curves, so fit and lean. The way you wiggle your toes, enlivens my very soul. I want to search your body, naked and touch you everywhere. I want you to promise me that no matter where we go, that you'll always kiss me the way you are right now. I love how your hair is soft and wild, untamed and brown, like a wild forest that I can run my hands upon and feel complete.
I'd love to hold you all through the night, breathing and never speaking a word. I want to meet you in a kiss in the dark from across the room and know exactly where you are just because you belong with me. Because we share that connection that people who are in love share. I don't care about your flaws, I don't care about your past. I love that you love your family. That health is something you take seriously. When you laugh, I feel that I could fall forever without fear of reaching the ground.
In this moment, I want you to know me the way that I want to know you. I want to see your secrets and caress your soul. I want you to never judge me for who I am or the choices that I make, instead, teach me how to be the most that I can be. I want to travel to faraway places and admire you from across the room one thousand miles away. When we stand underneath the stars, I want you to point to one and say that our next destination lies there, then laugh and kiss me hard. I want you to kiss me hard on the lips. I want to be aggressive and pull your hair and feel your body pressed against mine. I want you to feel a euphoria that doesn't seem to reside and with just a breath or a look, all new waves wash upon your beautiful physique and soul.
For you, I'd travel the entire world, as long as you promised to be there. I'd start fresh with you in a cabin faraway in a fairy kingdom so that I could live happily ever after with the one that I love. When I die, I want you to kiss me the way you've always kissed me. I want you to march arm-in-arm with me through the pearly gates to our Heavenly Father and smile together at Him. I want to take care of you when you're sick, to cover you when cold, to cheer you up in the hard times. If you cry, I want you to cry on my chest. I want to wipe your tears away, kiss your full lips, and stroke your hair until you fall asleep. I want to pray with you and keep you as my own for the rest of my existence and thereafter.
I love you.
Yesterday, Today, and Forever.
24.3.09
You can do better
Dear _________,
I think that you can do better.
That's what I know from the past and that is where the future is pointing. I don't know why you hold grudges from the past and hope for what is already dead. Instead, you should move on and be content with the life that you've been granted. When you dwell on negativity, you become negativity. It rules and transforms your life until you are someone I know not.
I think that you can do better.
In fact, I know that you can do better. It's not that I hate or dislike who you are now, because I will love you until the day after I die and go to Heaven and thereafter as well. But you see, your suffering is so unnecessary. It's so beneath you. But, then again, I am not one to question the Almighty. These trials and tribulations now become mine for I chose to try to show you where to turn and where to walk. The key is that you understand that this isn't me speaking, but Christ through me for the benefit of you.
I think that you can do better.
The strength that dwells within and about you, is so obvious and apparent, but you refuse to see it. How can you not know that you're strengthened by your past but by the very Holy Spirit, as well? Has Satan blinded you so that you know not up or down, right from wrong, sufficiency from deficiency? Help me know so that I can hold your hand, lead you to sight, lead you to right.
I think that you can do better.
You don't need this now. You don't need this because suffering is necessary only until you say that it is enough. So call mercy--end this plight of uneasiness, unrest, and ungodliness. You're a smart man, so prove it. Prove to your brother that you have lived a life where experiences can be drawn on to feed future choices. Take the help that God offers you. Take the help that I offer. The only catch is that you have to listen. The only catch--is that you have to trust God.
I know that you can do this.
With Brotherly Love,
_______
I think that you can do better.
That's what I know from the past and that is where the future is pointing. I don't know why you hold grudges from the past and hope for what is already dead. Instead, you should move on and be content with the life that you've been granted. When you dwell on negativity, you become negativity. It rules and transforms your life until you are someone I know not.
I think that you can do better.
In fact, I know that you can do better. It's not that I hate or dislike who you are now, because I will love you until the day after I die and go to Heaven and thereafter as well. But you see, your suffering is so unnecessary. It's so beneath you. But, then again, I am not one to question the Almighty. These trials and tribulations now become mine for I chose to try to show you where to turn and where to walk. The key is that you understand that this isn't me speaking, but Christ through me for the benefit of you.
I think that you can do better.
The strength that dwells within and about you, is so obvious and apparent, but you refuse to see it. How can you not know that you're strengthened by your past but by the very Holy Spirit, as well? Has Satan blinded you so that you know not up or down, right from wrong, sufficiency from deficiency? Help me know so that I can hold your hand, lead you to sight, lead you to right.
I think that you can do better.
You don't need this now. You don't need this because suffering is necessary only until you say that it is enough. So call mercy--end this plight of uneasiness, unrest, and ungodliness. You're a smart man, so prove it. Prove to your brother that you have lived a life where experiences can be drawn on to feed future choices. Take the help that God offers you. Take the help that I offer. The only catch is that you have to listen. The only catch--is that you have to trust God.
I know that you can do this.
With Brotherly Love,
_______
20.3.09
Something I had to say to a friend
So I had to talk to one of my great friends last night about some problems he'd been having with his girlfriend. They have these problems about once a year and each time, I always try to intervene and help. Eventually though, God takes over and things get better. So here's what I had to say to my friend who I will leave out and his girlfriend since it should be anonymous anyway.
Well, sir. I understand when you say it's hard to turn it all over. When things get hard we feel this responsibility whether it's as a guy or whether it's just as a human to take care of ourselves, right? I mean, we ARE human.
But think that just feeds more to letting God take it all. And that's something that just doesn't happen until you make a conscious decision to let him to do.
I feel like I'm the last person on the earth that should be talking about this, because it was just today that I decided to let God take care of it...but to be honest, I was at a breaking point. I am tired of the life that I'm living...because it's not a good one. I'm sure you can understand because as people and especially as Christians we suffer a lot, perhaps more than people. But the good thing is--that at the end of the road--we've got the salvation coming. The other great thing is--that God will take whatever burden you've got, WHEN you want to give it to him.
I'm not an expert on relationships. I never have been. I've always been that person, though, that people like to come to when they've got problems with their significant other. Sometimes I can help them, sometimes not. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make my friends lives easy and carefree until the end...but I can't. It's clear to me that I can't save the world, but I can listen to the problems and input as much as possible. And that's what I've come to realize about myself in college.
As for your lady, I can't make her not be the way she is. The only thing that can do that is herself. We both know that your girlfriend has a nice little temper that puts most people to shame. We also know that when people are in love, hurt hurts a heck of a lot worse than what it normally would.
But let's look at the past here, just for a second. (to kind of prove a point).
In the past, things like this have happened. Perhaps not this same situation, but perhaps the same insecurities and anger, distrust, and the feelings of hurt and ache are nearly the same. We've spoken about this before in the past and I think every time I tried to solve your problems with worldly devices...Whether those devices be through MY personal experience and what I would do in a situation like that, or someone else's. In the end, though, things always got better. Right?
Yeah.
But, they only get better when you turned them over to God.
And I know you say that this is a hard thing to do. I agree entirely. I'm a man and I don't like admitting that I need help. I don't like saying that I'm weak. I don't like spilling my flaws and problems to something that I can't touch.
And that's always been my problem.
But when I have the faith that I know God has blessed me with, and I let him just...kind of 'know' what's going on in my life...It gets easier. Not always right away. You and I both know that God works on his own time and sometimes it's not right away. But there's always a purpose. People in the Bible didn't suffer for God for no reason--there was always a reason.
The people in the Bible were human...just like us...just...older.
But that doesn't change the meaning.
I have to say that this may not go straight to your heart--that you may just say that it's hard...and Dude, I totally agree whole-heartedly. But when we dedicated ourselves to God, we knew that it wasn't always going to be easy.
So the moral?
When you let God, you let in something so much bigger than you. So much bigger and greater than all of us combined times infinity.
And when you're ready--he'll be waiting--like he always does.
And that is why Chris Tomlin sings that song "How Great is Our God."
Because he is.
So I wrote that to my friend because I've decided that living a life in the passenger seat of Christianity sucks. I'm tired of being burnt out and strung out and snuffed out. It's about time for a change--so here it is.
Well, sir. I understand when you say it's hard to turn it all over. When things get hard we feel this responsibility whether it's as a guy or whether it's just as a human to take care of ourselves, right? I mean, we ARE human.
But think that just feeds more to letting God take it all. And that's something that just doesn't happen until you make a conscious decision to let him to do.
I feel like I'm the last person on the earth that should be talking about this, because it was just today that I decided to let God take care of it...but to be honest, I was at a breaking point. I am tired of the life that I'm living...because it's not a good one. I'm sure you can understand because as people and especially as Christians we suffer a lot, perhaps more than people. But the good thing is--that at the end of the road--we've got the salvation coming. The other great thing is--that God will take whatever burden you've got, WHEN you want to give it to him.
I'm not an expert on relationships. I never have been. I've always been that person, though, that people like to come to when they've got problems with their significant other. Sometimes I can help them, sometimes not. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make my friends lives easy and carefree until the end...but I can't. It's clear to me that I can't save the world, but I can listen to the problems and input as much as possible. And that's what I've come to realize about myself in college.
As for your lady, I can't make her not be the way she is. The only thing that can do that is herself. We both know that your girlfriend has a nice little temper that puts most people to shame. We also know that when people are in love, hurt hurts a heck of a lot worse than what it normally would.
But let's look at the past here, just for a second. (to kind of prove a point).
In the past, things like this have happened. Perhaps not this same situation, but perhaps the same insecurities and anger, distrust, and the feelings of hurt and ache are nearly the same. We've spoken about this before in the past and I think every time I tried to solve your problems with worldly devices...Whether those devices be through MY personal experience and what I would do in a situation like that, or someone else's. In the end, though, things always got better. Right?
Yeah.
But, they only get better when you turned them over to God.
And I know you say that this is a hard thing to do. I agree entirely. I'm a man and I don't like admitting that I need help. I don't like saying that I'm weak. I don't like spilling my flaws and problems to something that I can't touch.
And that's always been my problem.
But when I have the faith that I know God has blessed me with, and I let him just...kind of 'know' what's going on in my life...It gets easier. Not always right away. You and I both know that God works on his own time and sometimes it's not right away. But there's always a purpose. People in the Bible didn't suffer for God for no reason--there was always a reason.
The people in the Bible were human...just like us...just...older.
But that doesn't change the meaning.
I have to say that this may not go straight to your heart--that you may just say that it's hard...and Dude, I totally agree whole-heartedly. But when we dedicated ourselves to God, we knew that it wasn't always going to be easy.
So the moral?
When you let God, you let in something so much bigger than you. So much bigger and greater than all of us combined times infinity.
And when you're ready--he'll be waiting--like he always does.
And that is why Chris Tomlin sings that song "How Great is Our God."
Because he is.
So I wrote that to my friend because I've decided that living a life in the passenger seat of Christianity sucks. I'm tired of being burnt out and strung out and snuffed out. It's about time for a change--so here it is.
16.3.09
Next Time and When It Doesn't Come
So a lot of people always say that there will be that next time. The next time to hang out, jam out, or just chill out. We take these in stride and think that tomorrow is going to come.
But what happens when tomorrow doesn't come?
Well I've been forced to face this blunt realization a few times today, and over the past year quite a bit.
So firstly I'd like to say that though I didn't know this young man as well as some dude, I know that he was a good guy through and through.
Brandon Dwyer.
Just an average joe, loves partying, sexy women, and playing guitar. I first met him at one of Mo's house warming parties and took an instant liking to him. Perhaps I liked him because he was a nice guy, maybe it was because he played guitar? Either way, I liked him.
Now he's gone.
Dead.
There's no coming back.
There's not going to be a next time.
You see, I always thought there was going to be a next time for us to hang out and jam out and chill out. But I was wrong. The last time I spoke with him was probably over Facebook. He was telling me to come down to Indy and jam out with him. He wanted to jam with me. Now that makes me feel good. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, I wasn't able to go and jam. But I said, "Next time."
Now there isn't a next time.
And that's kind of hard to face, isn't it?
Today in EDHI, we were given 16 cards that represented some of the most important things in our lives. These were taken off of a paper that we turned in last week. The cards had four people, four items, four values, and four other random things on them. Each turn, we had to throw away certain cards. We'd never get to see, know, or remember that card ever again. It'd be like it never existed. So I started off by throwing away all of my possessions. I threw away my iPhone, my computer, my car, and a house I'd like to have in the future. I sacrificed it all to keep my friends and family, smiles, love, and hugs. Then the next round came about and I had to throw away a couple of people that I knew I could let go. But I kept two more people that mean a lot to me. I threw away hugs and something else important to me. The next round came about and they asked if we were ready to give up the most important things in our lives. The people that we love and the values that we care about. The next round I threw away smiles. Each round I threw away a loved one, an important value. Finally, I threw away the two most important people in my life--they then asked us what it would be like to never see that person again. To never have a 'next-time.' Finally, the last card I was left with was Love.
Love, it's the most important thing to me because I know even if I were to throw it all away, or have it taken away, Love could reclaim it all. I could get my best friends back, my parents, my values and materials. As the Beatles said, "All you need is love." I agree.
So for now, there isn't going to be a next time.
But next time will be different.
Because for me there is a next time.
For others, there isn't.
I'd have to say that this picture probably sums Brandon up as best as I knew him.
Brandon Dwyer
1986-2009
"Next Time"
3.3.09
Teeter Totters
Life can be used as any sort of analogy. Right now I'm going to refer to life as a teeter totter. They are the playground instruments that go up and down when two or more kids sit on them.
So how am I relating this to me right now?
Well--in the last week, I lost my position as singer in Consensus.
Last night I found out that Dad lost his job.
I have midterms this week.
On the other hand.
I'm going to Florida with Grandma, Sunday.
I'm going to Spain in June.
I get to write all week in Florida.
So teeter totter away.
(and I got a haircut)
TA
DA
So how am I relating this to me right now?
Well--in the last week, I lost my position as singer in Consensus.
Last night I found out that Dad lost his job.
I have midterms this week.
On the other hand.
I'm going to Florida with Grandma, Sunday.
I'm going to Spain in June.
I get to write all week in Florida.
So teeter totter away.
(and I got a haircut)
TA
DA
1.3.09
Midterms and Breaks
After stressing the last week, I'm finally being cut a break. The possibility for travel to Florida is very imminent. I'm really ready to go and get away for the week because these last couple weeks have been incredibly stressful. The bullshit with Sara, the bullshit with Consensus. It's just a little too much sometimes and though I might appear to be slightly cool about it, I'm really not. I'm bitter and I need sometime to just be quiet.
Sometimes I think that the best thing for me would to be deaf. If I were deaf I wouldn't ever have to listen to bitching. I wouldn't have to hear people lie. It'd be a little easier. Maybe. But the point is I'm not deaf and so I must make do with what I've got. So Florida is good enough.
It's going to be great, if we go, to be able to sit for awhile and just write in peace and quietude. The great ocean right there.
So we shall see.
Midterms are this week and I've got a lot of studying to do. The break will be well deserved so I will study hard.
Sometimes I think that the best thing for me would to be deaf. If I were deaf I wouldn't ever have to listen to bitching. I wouldn't have to hear people lie. It'd be a little easier. Maybe. But the point is I'm not deaf and so I must make do with what I've got. So Florida is good enough.
It's going to be great, if we go, to be able to sit for awhile and just write in peace and quietude. The great ocean right there.
So we shall see.
Midterms are this week and I've got a lot of studying to do. The break will be well deserved so I will study hard.
24.2.09
It's come to this
Unfortunately, it seems that there has been a lot of tension in my band lately. A LOT.
All because I'm outspoken and sometimes overbearing.
And other members of my band don't like that.
So how do most problems start?
They start with miscommunication. It's as simple as that. Someone heard something through someone else--and then they're enemies for life. It's stupid, petty, and beneath me. I'm not in high school anymore. I'm an adult and I'm starting to act like one.
So, I heard from Ben, Consensus' bassist, that Conner wants me out of the band. Not a surprise, seeing that Conner hasn't liked me since we put out our EP last Fall. But to go behind my back and talk about me with everyone else, you'd think that as a Freshman in college, things would be different. But no, they're not.
Here's the message I wrote.
I'm posting this because this could be the last of my singing career with Consensus.
As everyone knows, there has been a lot of tension at band practices regarding certain people (Conner and Me). Firstly, I would like to apologize to everyone, including Conner, for any sort of inconvenience this has imposed upon our practices. It's pretty obvious that this has been going on since the release of our EP.
Conner and I have tried to work things out, but good communication is hard to come by. I've apologized for my 'too-good' attitude to Conner and so I apologize to the rest of the band. I know that I'm not a perfect person, I'm pretty self-absorbed, but it's who I am. I'm not trying to justify my faults with the whole "it's who I am" I'm just stating this as fact.
I've tried changing to lighten the tension, but anything that I've done has either gone unnoticed or has made my existence in the band miserable. I'm a very outspoken person, but I think you might have seen that these last couple months I've really shut up a lot. It's not easy, when you're a motormouth like me to do that, and I think that I deserve props for trying to change from what Conner and I have spoken about.
Now it appears certain people don't want me to be in this band anymore. I believe that everyone is entitled to an opinion and say-so, not just one person. A band isn't a dictatorship, it's a democracy. It's people working together to make the world a better place with better music. Moreover, I believe that it should be friends working together to better the world. Since I'm not included in a lot of what goes on outside of the band, I'm probably not a friend of many of you. I'm just a singer. And ever since last Fall, I've just been your singer, not your friend, because that's how you've treated me. Perhaps I deserve it.
To clarify, at least so there is no miscommunication between any of us, last fall when we put out our CD, if I ever said anything that sounded bossy, it wasn't meant like that. My suggestions were merely, in my mind at least, meant to improve the status of our band--to better ourselves--to get our music out there so people can hear it. I'm used to a leadership role because that's who I have always been. I'm sorry I didn't do a better job of asking for everyone's suggestions. If I stepped on your toes at any point in my career with this band, I'm also sorry.
As far as I can see, that's when the problem started.
So now, some of you want me out of the band. Well it's a democracy and you can get rid of me as easy as 1-2-3 if you want. I'll leave, you won't have to see or hear from me again. No more Nate Dale, the person that people like to make fun of in front of and behind his back. I'm not a well liked person--for reasons I'm aware of, but you know what. I don't care. If everyone wants me out, I'd rather not be a part of something that doesn't appreciate me being there, and I'd rather not be a part of something where I don't get just as much respect as anyone else in the band.
So let me know your thoughts. If this is another big misunderstanding, please forgive this e-mail and we'll continue on with our existence together. If this is not in vain, however, please communicate with me. I'm tired of hearing all the news down the grape vine. If you've got a problem, grow a pair and tell me. If not, then I guess we're cool.
-Nate
There it is...I'm tired of it. If they want me out, I'll gladly leave to abolish the bullshit drama that has been impeding upon my life for the last few months.
All because I'm outspoken and sometimes overbearing.
And other members of my band don't like that.
So how do most problems start?
They start with miscommunication. It's as simple as that. Someone heard something through someone else--and then they're enemies for life. It's stupid, petty, and beneath me. I'm not in high school anymore. I'm an adult and I'm starting to act like one.
So, I heard from Ben, Consensus' bassist, that Conner wants me out of the band. Not a surprise, seeing that Conner hasn't liked me since we put out our EP last Fall. But to go behind my back and talk about me with everyone else, you'd think that as a Freshman in college, things would be different. But no, they're not.
Here's the message I wrote.
I'm posting this because this could be the last of my singing career with Consensus.
As everyone knows, there has been a lot of tension at band practices regarding certain people (Conner and Me). Firstly, I would like to apologize to everyone, including Conner, for any sort of inconvenience this has imposed upon our practices. It's pretty obvious that this has been going on since the release of our EP.
Conner and I have tried to work things out, but good communication is hard to come by. I've apologized for my 'too-good' attitude to Conner and so I apologize to the rest of the band. I know that I'm not a perfect person, I'm pretty self-absorbed, but it's who I am. I'm not trying to justify my faults with the whole "it's who I am" I'm just stating this as fact.
I've tried changing to lighten the tension, but anything that I've done has either gone unnoticed or has made my existence in the band miserable. I'm a very outspoken person, but I think you might have seen that these last couple months I've really shut up a lot. It's not easy, when you're a motormouth like me to do that, and I think that I deserve props for trying to change from what Conner and I have spoken about.
Now it appears certain people don't want me to be in this band anymore. I believe that everyone is entitled to an opinion and say-so, not just one person. A band isn't a dictatorship, it's a democracy. It's people working together to make the world a better place with better music. Moreover, I believe that it should be friends working together to better the world. Since I'm not included in a lot of what goes on outside of the band, I'm probably not a friend of many of you. I'm just a singer. And ever since last Fall, I've just been your singer, not your friend, because that's how you've treated me. Perhaps I deserve it.
To clarify, at least so there is no miscommunication between any of us, last fall when we put out our CD, if I ever said anything that sounded bossy, it wasn't meant like that. My suggestions were merely, in my mind at least, meant to improve the status of our band--to better ourselves--to get our music out there so people can hear it. I'm used to a leadership role because that's who I have always been. I'm sorry I didn't do a better job of asking for everyone's suggestions. If I stepped on your toes at any point in my career with this band, I'm also sorry.
As far as I can see, that's when the problem started.
So now, some of you want me out of the band. Well it's a democracy and you can get rid of me as easy as 1-2-3 if you want. I'll leave, you won't have to see or hear from me again. No more Nate Dale, the person that people like to make fun of in front of and behind his back. I'm not a well liked person--for reasons I'm aware of, but you know what. I don't care. If everyone wants me out, I'd rather not be a part of something that doesn't appreciate me being there, and I'd rather not be a part of something where I don't get just as much respect as anyone else in the band.
So let me know your thoughts. If this is another big misunderstanding, please forgive this e-mail and we'll continue on with our existence together. If this is not in vain, however, please communicate with me. I'm tired of hearing all the news down the grape vine. If you've got a problem, grow a pair and tell me. If not, then I guess we're cool.
-Nate
There it is...I'm tired of it. If they want me out, I'll gladly leave to abolish the bullshit drama that has been impeding upon my life for the last few months.
16.2.09
Unfinished sentences--
I'm working on my next novel right now. It's going really well, in fact so well because of the fact that I'm making time to write. (that helps, imagine that!)
Exactly.
I've been so caught up in this book lately, that I've really not a had a lot of time for other things. I've been working on it with all the spare time that I find, which is sometimes gratuitous and other times not. The big thing that is going to happen right now is a car accident. It changes the tone of the entire book and puts my protagonists on an entirely different.
I've got a great way for one protagonist to find out there's been an accident, and--
I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE DAMN SENTENCE!
I am disgracing writers.
(maybe)
(not much to disappoint)
Perhaps I'm waiting for the 'write' time to get it right.
Maybe I'm just too scared to write this scene. It means that my characters can go many different directions, but I know the path that they are soon to follow and it is not a good one. Like any writer, I've been attached to my characters, loving them as I pour my secrets out into their lives. My infatuation with them has led me to be weak. Weak with the notions that I may have to kill off one or two of these people that I've created.
Fictional characters are like children in a sense. You create them, you help them grow, there are mistakes and flaws, but that's common for all. Then their lives become more increasingly interesting. The mistakes become more apparent and you start to see permanent character flaws that they have. You learn to love, hate, despise, and want them.
Fictional characters are not like children because you can only lead children so far before they start running on their own. Fictional characters do not make their own decisions. They are constantly asking the writer for advice and where to go. They need motivation and purpose and I give that to them. I control their every move, some might say, although I like to believe that my characters are like a movie that I'm not sure how is going to end, although I might have a good idea, nothing is written in stone until I'm finished. (No pun intended).
Right now I feel like my life is an unfinished sentence. I'll start speaking and can't finish it because the ones that I want to hear what I have to say, walk away too soon.
I feel like I'm an immature high schooler, ranting about a girl who didn't want him, so now he is sad. (I'm a freshman in college).
I'm just feeling a little incomplete, like the sentence that needs a few more words to make sense. When I speak, it's as if only half of what I need to say comes out--the other half is left somewhere to rot. Once clever, now forgotten.
But this of course just melodramatic bullshit.
Right?
I mean, it's not like I'm actually
Exactly.
14.2.09
Dreams and Letters
Last night--I had a dream.
Epic (I know).
So in my dream I was at college and for some reason or another, I was told to take care of this baby girl who was probably less than a year old. In fact, she was probably a few days old. Apprehensive at first, I took the child and cared for her. She was a sweet little thing and smiled a lot at me. The next part of the dream, I was still in college but she had grown up to be a twelve year old. I was still the same age, but here she was, twelve years old. There was a lot of confusion when it came to why I had her, but I think it was because her family had gotten into some trouble with mob. (it's a dream).
To be honest, I never thought having a daughter would be what I wanted. I think every guy at least at certain points in their lives, when they think about kids, wants a son. A masculine figure to carry on the family name, someone to share common experiences, someone to bond with. I've always been the same way, daughters are just so--needy. Sons, I would think, are more independent, less whiney, and they you don't have to worry about them fooling around with the quarterback of the football team (most times). Silly reasons not to want a daughter, but whatever.
When I woke up this morning, things had changed for me. I feel more like an adult now. It doesn't matter if I have a son or a daughter in the future. What matters is that I treat them and love them with all of my heart like they deserve. There are so many kids out there that deserve better families because of abuse, mistreatment, or ignorance on the parents part. I can't be picky if I'm going to eventually have a family, because there are sons and daughters out there that are abused daily by horrific families. Whether my future child/ren will be a male or female doesn't matter. What matters is that I treat them fairly and love them with all of my heart.
Now a letter to a possible future daughter.
Dear Daughter,
You are a most wonderful being. Beautiful, strong, and almost fragile it seems. Can you remember when you first smiled at me? I love seeing your eyes light up when I'm near you. You are the universe and when I hold you in my arms, safe from all of the world, I feel--complete. You are a completing piece of the puzzle this life is to me. From your hair, to your eyes, to your little toes, you are perfect in every way, truly made in the image of God. I'm so proud of who you are and what you are to become, whatever that will be when you choose so.
When nights are late and monsters pry at you from within the shadows, know that I'll be there to run them off. When you're hungry, I will feed you. When you just don't understand, I'll be there to walk by your side, showing you how. When the boyfriends come and go, I'll be the man to wipe those tears away. Because you're my daughter and I love you. Because you're the universe and I love you. Because you are perfection and I love you. Because you are mine, though not always with me.
Love,
Daddy
12.2.09
Late Night Walks
I feel like the weather has been as temperamental as my feelings. Just as things were heating it up, it went cold. But the beauty of a cloudy sky is the assurance that eventually that sky is going to clear and you'll see the stars again.
A lot of people focus so on the negative, they don't remember that old cliche that the night is always darkest before the dawn. Eventually things always turn out for the best for everyone. But if we wallow in our own pity and despair, we don't realize that beauty and renewal are all about us.
I know a lot of people that live their lives, pitying and hating the fact that it seems God took a divine shit on them. They couldn't have it any harder, and what do you know? You end up on the phone hearing about how it just got worse. But the day is warm, bright, clear, and beautiful. Why do you let the material affect the emotional? Just like anything, girlfriends and boyfriends are material goods until you decide to marry them. Then they become something else. It's a mixture of material, spiritual, physical, and emotional.
The day is clear and bright. It's time to start fresh. It's time.
A lot of my friends think that significant others are going to help them overcome rough portions in their lives. They cover up wounds that need air. They hide behind sex, emotions, and I love you's. It's not a fix people! A boyfriend/girlfriend can't fix your life. Someone special in your life doesn't make you a different person. Instead of a boyfriend or girlfriend, you should focus on the friends you have around you. Use them, confide in them, love them.
Friends are inexpensive to maintain, they love you endlessly, and they don't judge you. At least, good ones don't.
But at the end of the day,we're all just hiding behind one mask or another. Whether that mask is religion, sex, music, talents, or other facades. We need to come clean and just admit that we're not great beings. We're humans. There isn't anything that can help us come to know who we are.
The only thing that can help you on your journey are the encounters and stops that you make along the way. Instead of thinking of how you need something so badly, look at the scenery around you. Enjoy the fact that you have the opportunity and chance to love eventually. When love or whatever you desire comes to you, you'll appreciate it that much more.
Patience.
Thoughtfulness.
And friends.
At the end of the day.
4.2.09
The validity of friendship
So by chance, I've befriended someone who is off to jail for seven months. You'd wonder why the hell would I be friends with someone who is sentenced to seven months in jail, but then again why not? The point is not that he is going to jail, but that he is a person and I'm a person. I have no right to judge what he's done in the past, to lay down the law in front of him that he has broken because I have broken the same laws. No, I'm glad to be friends with someone who is off to jail.
Look at this bastard...He just looks like a asshole
But you know what...he's my friend despite all of it.
Here's a funny thing about the government. Why are we punishing people who are harmless. Who break the rules a couple times and then they're shipped off to jail because they violated another law? We send off these harmless people when the real menace is still out there. Lurking in our backyards, molesting children, raping women, killing people.
What's worse?
A scruffy thirty-five year old man who has been arrested multiple times for drinking. Never driving, just public intoxication. He gets boozed up and wonders around town. After multiple arrests they finally ship him off to jail. Problem solved for everyone because they don't have to see a slob in their town. Yay....right?
How about this. A young man who has just turned eighteen. He's got a fantastic family, money, a beautiful girlfriend, academically sound. One night he decides to rape the seventeen year old girl next door. Parents pay off the cops, the family, shut the girl up. The young man continues on, gets accepted to an Ivy league school living with the fact that he can get away with such a heinous crime.
Now where is the justice?
Perhaps my friend deserved to go to jail for partaking in drugs. But who do you know who hasn't done drugs. Worse off, why are we punishing those who do drugs when the real criminals are the people who distribute? I could prance right up with the Tippecanoe court house right now, with solid proof of one of the biggest dealers in Tippecanoe County. I could tell you the address, phone number, and even who they've dated in the last three years. Would it make one difference?
No.
Democracy isn't such a great thing.
People bitch about socialism...Well I don't know much...
But if something doesn't work, why not try a different approach.
Same goes for the justice system. America isn't a just society. We base our laws on the highest bidder. The end. El Fin. Ta-Da!
I'm glad I'm friends with someone who is going to jail, and if it solved anything, perhaps I'd go with him. I've done nothing wrong, but if justice could be 'straightened' out by my visiting jail, that's something I'd gladly sacrifice.
Unfortunately bright dreams and happy thoughts aren't going to make a dent when corruption has a deeper pocketbook than I'll ever know.
3.2.09
Queries and Agents and Editors--OH MY!
So I'm working on getting my book Your Son into some agents so that I can perhaps get it published. It's a lot of hard work, though. Especially trying to type out a query.
What the hell is a query?
Good question!
Well a query is usually about a one page letter to an agent that addresses the agent, has a 'tagline' for the book, a paragraph analysis, and then a little bit about me. I thought that it wouldn't be too bad at first. But it's hard coming up with those little catchy phrases that make people want to read books. Really...I think it's especially hard since it's my work and I don't want to come across any more egotistical than I already am.
So, as humbly as possible, I'm trying to write a tagline and a short snyposis for this book. Well it's hard. I feel like this gorrilla right now...
But I guess that's part of being a writer, isn't it? There's tough times and there's easy times. If I get this book published it will be a dream completed. If not, that's alright because I did start it when I was just sixteen. I'm almost twenty now and I've grown a lot as a writer, so I believe that anything I do from now could probably be considered a lot better.
2.2.09
Monday Morning
Like most everyone on the face of planet Earth, I despise Monday mornings. I have to wake up early, e-mail myself all the assignments that I typed out over the weekend, then I have to brush my teeth, trudge down the stairs and then enter out into a cold morning.
But as I walk down the sidewalk with the sun shining brightly, I start to wake up and appreciate Monday. The early risers are sucking down their caffeinated nectar. Music is blaring in my ears and the cool air is waking me up. It's a Monday morning and class is nearing.
As I walk--I'm telling myself that today is going to be great day. I'm eighty miles away from my home, family, and friends but I've got my friends here. Though the day is going to be busy I know that I just a phone call away from everyone I know. The beauty of college is that I don't have to walk far to make my day better.
30.1.09
Like Summer (sin el calor)
Today I woke up and felt like summer. I could swear that I was in my own bed back home, listening to the birds chirp and chime outside of my window. It was a fantastic feeling. Like I was truly there. I could feel the warmth of a summer sun peaking over the horizon to start a brand new day. The sun would come forth and the day would be great and productive. It will be the fresh start that we've all been needing and we will feel whole and complete, even if we've been lacking in one area or another.
Then I woke up.
It's cold outside. But then sun is shining and it's beautiful. Smiles are playing on peoples lips because it's a Friday. The homework is finished and life seems a little bit better, now that it's Friday.
Actually, I've got Taylor Swift playing on my iPhone right now. Gay, right? Not really. She's a fantastic singer and she's mighty sexy. Moreover, her voice just makes me feel like Summer. And though I'm not a summer person, the beauty of all things in full bloom makes me feel a little bit better. The fact that I can go outside and enjoy the fresh air, without wearing ten layers of thermals also makes me happy.
Do you blame me though?
I woke up this morning at 8:15 and I walked down to Lucina Hall. Spoke with a woman named Judy Nichols who pretty much showed me how I can get funded to go to Spain. So I'm going to apply for Spain tonight and send in the $150 for the application fee and see if I get in. If I don't, then I'm definetely planning on going elsewhere.
But today is beautiful. Tonight will be wonderful. Tomorrow and the next will be easy and fun. And that's the beauty of a good attitude.
Even without the heat.
29.1.09
Epitome of--
So I believe that procrastination is a skill rather than a curse. To be a procrastinator you have to know when it is right to draw things out and when it is not. I believe that I'm a fairly adept example of what procrastination should be.
This summer I'm going to Spain through a program called K.I.I.S. and the deadline to be accepted is February 16 and I have yet to apply.
Why?
Because I don't have the money!
Mom and Dad seem to make it their life goal to never make enough to do things that I need to do. Spain isn't a want but a need, because what I need at this point in my Spanish career is to be immersed in the language. Well, my applying to be an RA apparently isn't going to be enough to entice them to pay for my Spain trip. No, stupid GM and their downsizing and sending jobs to Mexico means that Mom and Dad both take a pay-cut. That means they're not paying for Spain...GREAT!
So I'm going to take out a loan and pay it off with the rest, but first things first. I have to walk from LaFollette Complex to Lucina Hall.
DO YOU KNOW HOW FAR THAT IS?
It's an epic adventure of far-ness.
Today I trekked the journey to Lucina to make an appointment with the lady who gives away money for Friday morning at 9am. Ugh, 9am classes are hard enough, let alone a meeting about money. Thankfully this weekend is looking promising.
god i love being impromptu
28.1.09
To Start off (A snow day)
Today we had a snow day.
So I'm sitting here now, after I've studied, in Emily and Rachael's condo.
(it's not really a condo) it's their dorm.
In other news, Danny and Elfy-Poo are still experiencing supernatural phenomenon. And I thought that those amethysts were going to do the trick. So I e-mailed a witch, Mryna, and see what she said about that. I'm not into all that stuff anymore but since I once was, I'm still a pretty valuable person to confide about those kinds of things. Anyway...
recommended reading...
(Rachael...grandma knitting)
Rachael just sat on a knitting needle, to quote her best, "I almost just sent this into my rectum."
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