I Love The Way

I love the way you kiss me. The way you're strong and humble, safe and mine. I love that when I close my eyes and hold onto your face, forever waits a moment and eternity listens a little harder. I love your blue eyes and how they search and see me kindly. I love your skin, how soft and clear and smooth it is. I'd love to spend a lifetime searching your skin, kissing each inch, breathing you in. I love the way you smile and I love the kindness in those oh so pearly whites. I love your hands and how they hold mine tight. I like the way you trace my jaw and know the thoughts inside my mind.

You see, I love everything about you, and I could go on. I could mention how when you sleep, you twitch just momentarily before drifting off into a peaceful land. I'd love to kiss your eyelids and wonder what your dreaming about tonight. I love the way your body curves, so fit and lean. The way you wiggle your toes, enlivens my very soul. I want to search your body, naked and touch you everywhere. I want you to promise me that no matter where we go, that you'll always kiss me the way you are right now. I love how your hair is soft and wild, untamed and brown, like a wild forest that I can run my hands upon and feel complete.

I'd love to hold you all through the night, breathing and never speaking a word. I want to meet you in a kiss in the dark from across the room and know exactly where you are just because you belong with me. Because we share that connection that people who are in love share. I don't care about your flaws, I don't care about your past. I love that you love your family. That health is something you take seriously. When you laugh, I feel that I could fall forever without fear of reaching the ground.

In this moment, I want you to know me the way that I want to know you. I want to see your secrets and caress your soul. I want you to never judge me for who I am or the choices that I make, instead, teach me how to be the most that I can be. I want to travel to faraway places and admire you from across the room one thousand miles away. When we stand underneath the stars, I want you to point to one and say that our next destination lies there, then laugh and kiss me hard. I want you to kiss me hard on the lips. I want to be aggressive and pull your hair and feel your body pressed against mine. I want you to feel a euphoria that doesn't seem to reside and with just a breath or a look, all new waves wash upon your beautiful physique and soul.

For you, I'd travel the entire world, as long as you promised to be there. I'd start fresh with you in a cabin faraway in a fairy kingdom so that I could live happily ever after with the one that I love. When I die, I want you to kiss me the way you've always kissed me. I want you to march arm-in-arm with me through the pearly gates to our Heavenly Father and smile together at Him. I want to take care of you when you're sick, to cover you when cold, to cheer you up in the hard times. If you cry, I want you to cry on my chest. I want to wipe your tears away, kiss your full lips, and stroke your hair until you fall asleep. I want to pray with you and keep you as my own for the rest of my existence and thereafter.

I love you.
Yesterday, Today, and Forever.

You can do better

Dear _________,

I think that you can do better.
That's what I know from the past and that is where the future is pointing. I don't know why you hold grudges from the past and hope for what is already dead. Instead, you should move on and be content with the life that you've been granted. When you dwell on negativity, you become negativity. It rules and transforms your life until you are someone I know not.
I think that you can do better.
In fact, I know that you can do better. It's not that I hate or dislike who you are now, because I will love you until the day after I die and go to Heaven and thereafter as well. But you see, your suffering is so unnecessary. It's so beneath you. But, then again, I am not one to question the Almighty. These trials and tribulations now become mine for I chose to try to show you where to turn and where to walk. The key is that you understand that this isn't me speaking, but Christ through me for the benefit of you.
I think that you can do better.
The strength that dwells within and about you, is so obvious and apparent, but you refuse to see it. How can you not know that you're strengthened by your past but by the very Holy Spirit, as well? Has Satan blinded you so that you know not up or down, right from wrong, sufficiency from deficiency? Help me know so that I can hold your hand, lead you to sight, lead you to right.
I think that you can do better.
You don't need this now. You don't need this because suffering is necessary only until you say that it is enough. So call mercy--end this plight of uneasiness, unrest, and ungodliness. You're a smart man, so prove it. Prove to your brother that you have lived a life where experiences can be drawn on to feed future choices. Take the help that God offers you. Take the help that I offer. The only catch is that you have to listen. The only catch--is that you have to trust God.
I know that you can do this.

With Brotherly Love,

_______

Something I had to say to a friend

So I had to talk to one of my great friends last night about some problems he'd been having with his girlfriend. They have these problems about once a year and each time, I always try to intervene and help. Eventually though, God takes over and things get better. So here's what I had to say to my friend who I will leave out and his girlfriend since it should be anonymous anyway.

Well, sir. I understand when you say it's hard to turn it all over. When things get hard we feel this responsibility whether it's as a guy or whether it's just as a human to take care of ourselves, right? I mean, we ARE human.

But think that just feeds more to letting God take it all. And that's something that just doesn't happen until you make a conscious decision to let him to do.

I feel like I'm the last person on the earth that should be talking about this, because it was just today that I decided to let God take care of it...but to be honest, I was at a breaking point. I am tired of the life that I'm living...because it's not a good one. I'm sure you can understand because as people and especially as Christians we suffer a lot, perhaps more than people. But the good thing is--that at the end of the road--we've got the salvation coming. The other great thing is--that God will take whatever burden you've got, WHEN you want to give it to him.

I'm not an expert on relationships. I never have been. I've always been that person, though, that people like to come to when they've got problems with their significant other. Sometimes I can help them, sometimes not. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make my friends lives easy and carefree until the end...but I can't. It's clear to me that I can't save the world, but I can listen to the problems and input as much as possible. And that's what I've come to realize about myself in college.

As for your lady, I can't make her not be the way she is. The only thing that can do that is herself. We both know that your girlfriend has a nice little temper that puts most people to shame. We also know that when people are in love, hurt hurts a heck of a lot worse than what it normally would.

But let's look at the past here, just for a second. (to kind of prove a point).

In the past, things like this have happened. Perhaps not this same situation, but perhaps the same insecurities and anger, distrust, and the feelings of hurt and ache are nearly the same. We've spoken about this before in the past and I think every time I tried to solve your problems with worldly devices...Whether those devices be through MY personal experience and what I would do in a situation like that, or someone else's. In the end, though, things always got better. Right?
Yeah.
But, they only get better when you turned them over to God.

And I know you say that this is a hard thing to do. I agree entirely. I'm a man and I don't like admitting that I need help. I don't like saying that I'm weak. I don't like spilling my flaws and problems to something that I can't touch.
And that's always been my problem.
But when I have the faith that I know God has blessed me with, and I let him just...kind of 'know' what's going on in my life...It gets easier. Not always right away. You and I both know that God works on his own time and sometimes it's not right away. But there's always a purpose. People in the Bible didn't suffer for God for no reason--there was always a reason.
The people in the Bible were human...just like us...just...older.
But that doesn't change the meaning.

I have to say that this may not go straight to your heart--that you may just say that it's hard...and Dude, I totally agree whole-heartedly. But when we dedicated ourselves to God, we knew that it wasn't always going to be easy.

So the moral?
When you let God, you let in something so much bigger than you. So much bigger and greater than all of us combined times infinity.

And when you're ready--he'll be waiting--like he always does.
And that is why Chris Tomlin sings that song "How Great is Our God."

Because he is.



So I wrote that to my friend because I've decided that living a life in the passenger seat of Christianity sucks. I'm tired of being burnt out and strung out and snuffed out. It's about time for a change--so here it is.

Next Time and When It Doesn't Come

So a lot of people always say that there will be that next time. The next time to hang out, jam out, or just chill out. We take these in stride and think that tomorrow is going to come.

But what happens when tomorrow doesn't come?

Well I've been forced to face this blunt realization a few times today, and over the past year quite a bit.

So firstly I'd like to say that though I didn't know this young man as well as some dude, I know that he was a good guy through and through.

Brandon Dwyer.

Just an average joe, loves partying, sexy women, and playing guitar. I first met him at one of Mo's house warming parties and took an instant liking to him. Perhaps I liked him because he was a nice guy, maybe it was because he played guitar? Either way, I liked him.

Now he's gone.

Dead.

There's no coming back.

There's not going to be a next time.

You see, I always thought there was going to be a next time for us to hang out and jam out and chill out. But I was wrong. The last time I spoke with him was probably over Facebook. He was telling me to come down to Indy and jam out with him. He wanted to jam with me. Now that makes me feel good. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, I wasn't able to go and jam. But I said, "Next time."

Now there isn't a next time.

And that's kind of hard to face, isn't it?

Today in EDHI, we were given 16 cards that represented some of the most important things in our lives. These were taken off of a paper that we turned in last week. The cards had four people, four items, four values, and four other random things on them. Each turn, we had to throw away certain cards. We'd never get to see, know, or remember that card ever again. It'd be like it never existed. So I started off by throwing away all of my possessions. I threw away my iPhone, my computer, my car, and a house I'd like to have in the future. I sacrificed it all to keep my friends and family, smiles, love, and hugs. Then the next round came about and I had to throw away a couple of people that I knew I could let go. But I kept two more people that mean a lot to me. I threw away hugs and something else important to me. The next round came about and they asked if we were ready to give up the most important things in our lives. The people that we love and the values that we care about. The next round I threw away smiles. Each round I threw away a loved one, an important value. Finally, I threw away the two most important people in my life--they then asked us what it would be like to never see that person again. To never have a 'next-time.' Finally, the last card I was left with was Love.

Love, it's the most important thing to me because I know even if I were to throw it all away, or have it taken away, Love could reclaim it all. I could get my best friends back, my parents, my values and materials. As the Beatles said, "All you need is love." I agree.

So for now, there isn't going to be a next time.

But next time will be different.

Because for me there is a next time.

For others, there isn't.

I'd have to say that this picture probably sums Brandon up as best as I knew him.

Brandon Dwyer

1986-2009

"Next Time"

Teeter Totters

Life can be used as any sort of analogy. Right now I'm going to refer to life as a teeter totter. They are the playground instruments that go up and down when two or more kids sit on them.

So how am I relating this to me right now?

Well--in the last week, I lost my position as singer in Consensus.
Last night I found out that Dad lost his job.
I have midterms this week.

On the other hand.
I'm going to Florida with Grandma, Sunday.
I'm going to Spain in June.
I get to write all week in Florida.

So teeter totter away.
(and I got a haircut)


TA

DA

Midterms and Breaks

After stressing the last week, I'm finally being cut a break. The possibility for travel to Florida is very imminent. I'm really ready to go and get away for the week because these last couple weeks have been incredibly stressful. The bullshit with Sara, the bullshit with Consensus. It's just a little too much sometimes and though I might appear to be slightly cool about it, I'm really not. I'm bitter and I need sometime to just be quiet.

Sometimes I think that the best thing for me would to be deaf. If I were deaf I wouldn't ever have to listen to bitching. I wouldn't have to hear people lie. It'd be a little easier. Maybe. But the point is I'm not deaf and so I must make do with what I've got. So Florida is good enough.

It's going to be great, if we go, to be able to sit for awhile and just write in peace and quietude. The great ocean right there.

So we shall see.
Midterms are this week and I've got a lot of studying to do. The break will be well deserved so I will study hard.